A Perfect Circle pictures from Defamer

Frustrated Sony Worker Seeks Circle-Jerk Companions [Defamer Connections]

Now comes that portion of the broadcast where we break from our hard-hitting coverage of celebrity lingerie purchases and NBA ass-tastings to focus instead on what really matters: Bringing you, the lot-bound drone in desperate need of human connection, in contact with your perfect match. We turn to the always-fertile singles' mingling grounds of Craigslist for our latest bachelor offering, a pent-up fellow currently finding it hard to concentrate on his duties at Sony Culver Studios [NSFW] : Anyone on the SONY lot up for a mid afternoon Jerk? (Culver City) Stuck here on the lot. Anyone here know somewhere to get together, unzip, pull out our cocks and jerk out a load? need to cum bad Could this be the same "preppy and athletic" Sony lot horndog of several years ago, who demanded a headshot and resumé before meeting to rub one out? There's only one way to find out, fellas. And while we wish, per the query, that we could recommend a darkened nook behind some Spider-Man soundstage lending itself to such rendezvous, unfortunately, we have no knowledge of anything currently shooting on the lot beyond a junior exec and FedEx guy in the Thalberg Building men's room. Good luck, you star-crossed tossers! Anyone on the SONY lot up for a mid afternoon Jerk? (Culver City) [Craigslist]

Published: 2008-06-23 Provider: Defamer Keywords: defamer connections, Gays, Sony

Pretty Despair: Report: Wealth And Fame Not Necessarily Conducive To Total Happiness

Isolated by immense fame and doomed to romantic lives in which the intimacy of every promising first date is ruined by the swarms of paparazzi hoping to take photographs of their fleetingly revealed genitalia as they linger over dessert, Hollywood's hottest actresses stand little, if any, chance of finding true love in the "self-absorbed" show business world, an infernal, Alighierian circle of perpetual loneliness. The new issue of Us Weekly details the plight of Tinseltown's "beautiful, rich, and alone," who can hope for an emotional connection no more profound than a quick fuck in the still-smoldering wreckage of SUVs that have been crashed into Robertson Blvd. storefronts following high-speed chases with their Nikon-wielding pursuers, sweet moments of carnal release that help them momentarily forget that they are destined to spend their solitary, declining years instructing their domestics to fill their empty homes with cats and periodically refresh their bowls of hard candy. Stars: They die old and alone, just like Us! Also in this week's issue: Exclusive pics of Jerry and Rebecca's dream wedding! Hollywood Dating Hell [Us Weekly]Previously: Inevitable Tabloid Report: Pictures Of Perfect Jolie-Pitt Baby Plunges Aniston Into Depths Of Despair

Published: 2007-07-18 Provider: Defamer Keywords: Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston, pretty despair, Top

For Your Pimply Consideration: Larry Birkhead Enjoys Newfound Celebrity Status At Teen Choice Awards

We suspected strange things were afoot at the Circle K when Larry Birkhead awkwardly shuffled down the Teen Choice Awards red carpet. Somehow, we doubted girls of age 13-17 gleefully taped up posters of Anna Nicole's sperminator next to shots of Zac Efron's hair. Turns out our Spidey Sense was right--Birkhead had been nominated alongside such crackpot luminaries as Lindsay, Britney, and Sanjaya for a category that was abruptly scrapped when certain crazy bitches put on panties just so they could get them in a wad: "There was originally going to be a 'Newsmakers of the Year' award," said our insider. "Paris was nominated for her 23-day stint in jail, Lindsay for her latest DUI bust and Britney for the infamous head-shaving incident. But none of them would dare to show up . . . all the publicists [for the celebutards] went crazy on Fox, and they just scrapped the category."Birkhead, who brought his 16-year-old nephew to the awards, told Page Six, "I found out about the cancellation two days before the show, but producers told me I could still come if I wanted to. Mine was a positive story, that I got custody of my daughter, which was not the case with some others. All these people wanted their picture taken with me, it was a really fun time." So let's review: Larry knew he wasn't part of the festivities, but he went to the trouble of grabbing a legitimizing, age-appropriate relative so he could still sit in a crowd full of seat-fillers and watch perky Disney Channel-types hand surfboards to each other. Maybe he merely wanted to daydream about the perfect storm of scandal and pathos his category might have created if Britney, Paris, and Lindsay had senses of humor and/or weren't in rehab. But we think he just hoped he'd still somehow walk away with his own cool fiberglass monument to the love of weepy adolescents, perfect for smacking Howard K. Stern over the head with as a symbol of his decisive victory in the court of public opinion. And, of course, his nephew proba

Published: 2007-08-28 Provider: Defamer Keywords: Awards, for your pimply consideration, larry birkhead