Everywhere I go, someone's trying to by my girlfriend's best friend
I'm trying to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playing castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me

Everybody open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say "ah" (Ah, ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
If you play along

Everywhere I go, there's someone in a trenchcoat staring at me
When I'm not at home, I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me?
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash

Everybody open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say "ah" (Ah, ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
This won't hurt at all (Turn it up)

Everybody get in line (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody turn and cough (Ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
If you just lay off

Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there are some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league
But me

Every night at a lane, someone thinks they've got a fine bead on me
I try to take three deep breaths as I lock in on my minivan
Everyone says I'm looking great
But it's hard to stand up, let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to The Man

Everybody open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say "ah" (Ah, ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
This won't hurt at all

Everybody get in line (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody turn and cough (Ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
If you just lay
Everything'll be all right
If you just lay (Ah, ah)
Everything'll be all right
If you just lay off (Ah, ah, ah)