Blur pictures from Anorak

Blur, Blur, Blur: Alex James Talks Bananas And Cocaine

WRITES Alex James, formerly of the band Blur: “In the UK cocaine goes hand in hand with champagne, yoga and organic vegetables. It enjoys an exclusive upmarket cachet.” All should be avoided. Says James: “Actually you might as well eat live engendered monkeys while wearing a blindfold and firing an automatic machine gun as take cocaine.” Celebrities are always looking for the next big thing and may care to take James up on his offer. Others will customise the trend and eat an Uzi while blindfolding the last of a monkey breed. But such is the way in the creative industries. James, who has taken cocaine and is now a reformed cocaine taker, tells us: “Farmers have trouble selling their bananas to Europe but we happily buy cocaine.” The tabloid press has yet to produce grainy images of a celebrity snorting bananas. But if James can show us how, the demand and price for bananas will rocket and everyone will be deliriously happy… Alex James is a cheese farmer

Published: 2008-01-29 Provider: Anorak

On Iceland: Kerry Katona Asks The Questions

KERRY Katona was not drunk on This Morning yesterday morning. Or as the Star’s front page puts it: “KERRY: I WASN’T PISHT HONEST”, and inside “SHERRY KATONA ‘DRUNK’ ON TELLY”. This is, of course, the Daily Star, sister organ to OK!, a magazine not so much soft focus as magic eye, rendering everyone within into one stunning, gorgeous and talented blur. In the magazine, Our Kerry lends her name to a diary in which she comments on the week’s news and how whatever anyone reads about her “NONE OF IT’S TRUE”. So why was Kerry beligerant, slurring her words and lolling about on the This Morning sofa? Kerry’s husband, one Mark Croft (Original; let’s stick with the sherry theme), blames Kerry’s medication and the show’s hosts. Kerry is undergoing treatment of being bi-polar, a condition brought on by climate change. And, true enough, hosts Fern Britton and Phillip Schofield have driven many a woman to drink, specifically to a lo-fat blend of Ryvita and homogenised rubber band (her) and warm Grecian 2000 (him). “I want a word with him for this,” says Croft. “Kerry would like to categorically state for the record that that the only thing she drank before the show was cups of tea” This is the last time I do this f****** show,” says Kerry. Kerry then addresses the crowd: “Why would I go on a TV programme pissed? Do I look stupid?” Whoa! One question is more than enough after last night’s medication; two questions can result in us becoming disorientated and confused… Kerry Katona On Ice: New Body, New Mindset, New Pint ‘Atomic Kitten’ singer Katona’s shocking TV meltdown (+video)

Published: 2008-10-23 Provider: Anorak