The mongrel cat came home
Holding half a head
Proceeded to show it off
To all his new found friends

He said, "I've been where I likedI've slept with who I likedShe ate me up for breakfastShe screwed me in a viceBut nowI don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"

I sat in the cupboard
And wrote it down in neat
They were cheering and waving
Cheering and waving
Twitching and a-salivating like with myxomatosis

But it got edited, fucked up
Strangled beaten up
Used in a photo in Time magazine
Buried in a burning black hole in Devon

And I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied
Don't know why I feel so skinned alive

My thoughts are misguided and a little naive
I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis
You should put me in a home or you should put me down
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis

Yeah, no one likes a smartarse but we all like stars
That wasn't my intention (tension), I did it for a reason (treason)
It must have got mixed up
Strangled, beaten up
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis

And I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied