Sworn Enemy pictures from Anorak

Prince Harry Is Fighting In Afghanistan: Tally-Ban

PRINCE HARRY HAS BEEN FIGHTING IN AFGHANISTAN? Young Prince Harry Baseball Cap is in the trenches with the lads. He was deployed 10 weeks ago and his fellow soldiers were sworn to secrecy. Chief of the General Staff Sir Richard Dannatt, who is head of the British Army, says he is disappointed the news had leaked. “I am very disappointed that foreign websites have decided to run this story without consulting us. This is in stark contrast to the highly responsible attitude that the whole of the UK print and broadcast media, along with a small number overseas, who have entered into an understanding with us over the coverage of Prince Harry on operations.” Of course, it may all be a ruse. Harry has a price on his ginger head. But the plan is afoot. The British Army has been issued with regulation ginger fright wigs. Each will don their Harry Hair and thus flush the rabid enemy from fox hole and cave. This will make them easier to slaugher. Harry will be the hero. Hurrah! Tally-ban! Picture 

Published: 2008-02-28 Provider: Anorak

Benazir Bhutto And Me: The Celebrity Leader I Knew

BENAZIR Bhutto is dead. Killed by her car’s sunroof. Her supporters have sworn vengeance on the makers of her car, the suppliers of the lever which delivered the fatal blow and sunroofs the world over. Bhutto’s husband says: “She was killed from bullets…no point even to comment on the other stuff.” Baitullah Mehsud denies any involvement in the murder. “They attack was not launched by us,” says a spokesman for the al-Qaeda warlord. “We are only against America and don’t consider leaders of Pakistan our enemy.” Amid such confusion we crave clarity. And the News of the World duly calls upon former Celebrity Big Brother star Cleo Rocos to tell us about Bhutto And Me. “We must have looked an odd couple,” says Rocos. “Me with my flash of red hair and designer clothes, her swathed in headscarf and sunglasses [supermarket own brand].” Rocos tells us that Bhutto was “full of fun and mischief”. She once confided: “A girl can never have too many tinned tomatoes.” Rocos took her for dinner at the Ivy restaurant. It as Bhutto’s first time. Perhaps it as her last. “She loved her Cadbury’s Fruit And Nut chocolate and cooking her Baked Alaska using meringues, fruit and piles of ice cream. I’ve got her special recipe.” (Et voila! Le Bombe Surprise, Mr Bond.) Readers learn that “hauntingly” Bhutto’s political hero was “the assassinated John F. Kennedy”. He never knew Cleo Rocos. But he did know Marilyn Monroe… Picture: Rocos faces down a bearded fundamentalist The War On Terror

Published: 2007-12-30 Provider: Anorak