I saw a little kid
as he walked around
He picked a candy bar up
off the ground
He chewed about a half when
his face turned blue
Turned out that candy bar
was doggy doo

Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
Whoa
Unless you can throw it away
Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way

You're out there makin' bacon
No scrutiny
You mess around too much
And you got VD
You know you never think so
You're sore today
You're gonna take it back to
Californ-I-A

Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
Whoa
Unless you can throw it away
Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way

My friend was kinda hurtin'
For a girl to try
He saw one that looked like Pat
On Saturday Night Live
It had a pair of thingies
But a mustache too
Not clearly male or female
So what to do?

Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
Whoa
Unless you can throw it away
Whoa
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way