Madonna And Child

Here's Madonna with her adorable adopted son David Banda arriving in Los Angeles. Getting her face stretched and pulled has worked wonders. David's probably wondering why his mom is an albino with a visage like something out of Madame Tussaud's. But he'll cope. It's either scary pale mom or back to the orphanage! Madge doesn't play. Photos: Splash More photos of Madonna and David Banda arriving in Los Angeles are after the jump.

Published: 2008-02-18 Provider: A Socialite's Life

ASL Fashion Disaster: The Game!

Do you like games? I do. And I'm PART of one! Seriously, it's very eerie seeing my nasty visage in game form. Lisa looks glamorous as always. Check out our new A Socialite's Life Fashion Disaster game. And you can win a Tara Reid drunk chick coffee mug! Who doesn't like coffee? Or games? Play on, playa!

Published: 2007-03-29 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Ashton Kutcher's Mystical Hair Growth

The What Happens in Vegas star has been sporting some noticeable scruff on his usually clean-shaven face. However the hair growth not a fashion statement. Kutcher's reason for the bearded visage is in his religious beliefs. According an In Touch insider, "He is growing it because of the Jewish and Kabbalah holiday called Lag Ba'Omer." Traditionally, men shave their beards after the 49 days between Passover and Shavuot, which on this year happened on May 23. However, it looks as if Ashton decided to keep the beard. I'm not really sure what to say to that. I'm always at a loss as to what to think about people who believe in things. Photos: WENN

Published: 2008-06-12 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Uma Thurman Duels With Lancome

She just took care of her stalker, and now she's going after malevolent cosmetic corporations that are trying to use her ass! Beatrix Kiddo is dealing with a lot of drama. Uma Thurman has just filed a 15 million dollar countersuit against Lancome for using her image to sell their products after her contract expired. It's a countersuit because Lancome thought they were being cagey and filed a suit to keep her from getting any of their money. They're claiming that they never "knowingly or intentionally" meant to use her image to push their beauty concoctions. Uma, 38, signed on to be their spokeschick in 2000, and her contract expired in 2005. She's claiming that they kept using her visage on billboards and their websites in Canada and Asia. And didn't pay her for it. You need to dole out some cash for that kind of beauty! Thurman's lawyer, Bertram Fields, says that "The worldwide and unauthorized use of Thurman's name and likeness for years after the expiration dates significantly diluted the value of Thurman's name and likeness for advertising or promotional purposes." I seriously doubt she's going to have to advertise Carvel ice cream cakes anytime soon, though. Photos: BauerGriffinOnline.com More photos of Uma Thurman on set are after the jump.

Published: 2008-05-13 Provider: A Socialite's Life

American Idol: Mariah Carey And Kristy Lee Cook Team Up To Destroy Us All

Previously - America hates Australia and voted Michael Johns off. It's ok, because he's enjoying Whynattes. Seven is going to be someone's unlucky number tonight. There's a weird tendency toward gold lame this evening. Syesha looks like Marilyn McCoo, and Kristy Lee Cook looks like your worst nightmare about a possibly Aryan Nation. What's with the dramatic pausing, Seacrest? Cut the shit. David Archuleta looks like Daddy's going to pull out the strap and whip him if he doesn't make it tonight. We have some celebs in the audience. Minnie Driver's there, pregnant and still not naming the daddy. Teri Hatcher brought her medically enhanced visage into the auditorium, and is going to scare people into messing up the lyrics. But the hottest celebrity is behind Teri. Isn't that the fat kid from Head of the Class? Glamorous! Howard Hesseman is my homeboy. More Idol, after the jump!

Published: 2008-04-16 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Brandon 'Greasy Bear' Davis Has Sticky Fingers

Whoah, look how utterly cheerless Brandon Davis is. Even his fetching little headband is doing little to lift his spirits. At least it is lifting up his greasy hair so that we can get a better look at his utterly dejected visage. The socialite has good reason to look dejected these days, according to Page Six. The paper is reporting that Brandon crashed on the couch of his buddy, music producer Scott Storch, and put their friendship in jeopardy when he tried to snag Storch's diamond watch worth approximately $100,000. According to an unnamed source, "Scott called Brandon and told him the watch was missing but, 'It's OK - I just got a new security system, so everything's on tape.' After learning he'd be caught, Davis "started crying hysterically and saying, 'Please don't tell anyone - I'll bring it back.'" Apparently, Scott felt bad for Brandon and didn't go to the police when he got his watch back within an hour and his comment on the story was simply, "I heard about this. Give peace a chance." Awww, doesn't he mean "Give grease a chance"? Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com/WENN

Published: 2008-03-17 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Nicole Kidman's Face Compared To That Of A Bloodsucking Flying Rat

Hey! Before you bitch at me, I didn't say it! A "leading Canadian Botox expert" did. Dr. Martin Braun, a Botox pusher, says that Nicole Kidman is using too much of the stuff and it's given her a "bat face" look. Ouch. That's not cute. Braun told the Australian cosmetic medicine conference that Nicole is obviously using the 'Tox two to three weeks before an event. He says that this causes her to look "frozen and strange" and that she is "doing too much at the wrong time". Braun went on to say that he believes she is getting bad medical advice, and she needs to inject rat poison into her visage at least two to three MONTHS before an event. That way, she can go to an awards show and her face will look slightly more normal. The point is moot anyway, because it appears as if Nicole stopped using the rat poison when the test came back positive for baby. But seriously, imagine a conference panel entitled "Nicole Kidman Has Bat Face"? I'd skip my continental breakfast for that mess!

Published: 2008-03-13 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Meg Ryan's Still Around

Here's Meg Ryan looking a little less facially weird than usual. Meg took a career downturn (Tom Hanks stopped calling) as an excuse to mess her visage up and it looks like the swelling finally went down. I hate that stretched face, huge lips look. Let nature run its course, Jocelyn Wildenstein. Here's Meg at the airport with her son with Dennis Quaid, Jack Henry, and her adopted daughter Daisy True. Yay for family time! Meg was filming "The Women" around the Boston area for the summer and let's hope it puts her back on the map. If you'll recall, she was the it lady for many a year. Until she let her loins guide her into self-destruct over Russell Crowe. It's amazing how a smoldering Aussie can cause you to crash and burn. Photos: Bauer-Griffin Online More photos of Meg Ryan with her daughter Daisy and her son Jack Henry at LAX after the jump.

Published: 2008-01-07 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Seriousness

Here's The Most Beautiful Woman In The World (Angelina Jolie) and Meg Ryan presenting at the International Women's Media Foundation awards. The awards honor female journalists who have shown courage while reporting under duress, such as during war coverage, etc. So of course, everyone wore black to show how grave the situation is. I bet no one even drank at the afterparty. Damn, it's so solemn. Please tell me there were at least some catty comments made about how Meg's face is frozen like the Arctic. The duo, both elegant in top to toe black for the Beverly Hills event, have not only their stellar careers and philanthropic works in common. Each has also adopted from abroad. Meg, who has a 15-year-old son Jack with former husband Dennis Quaid, adopted daughter Daisy from China last year. I wonder if they even spoke. Meg was the center of the universe for quite some time and could do no wrong then she got the paranoia about getting old and started hacking up her visage. Now she's lucky if she can get a guest shot on "Crossing Jordan". Angie better recognize. Photos: Getty Images More photos of the celebrities (Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan, Christine Amanpour, Maria Shriver) along with journalists at the International Women's Media Foundation's Courage Awards after the jump.

Published: 2007-10-31 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Remains of the Day: Lily Allen to Launch Clothing Line

It looks like Kate Moss has some competition; Lily Allen's rival fashion line for New Look will debut next week. [CW]Kirsten Dunst should really consider consulting a doctor about the freaky foot rash. [AIW]Looking for a new house? 50 Cent put his 52-room CT mansion on the market for an undisclosed sum. The house has quite a history: it's also the former home of boxer Mike Tyson. [Radar]Holy Photoshop, Batman: Fergie's manly visage graced the cover of an upcoming issue of Seventeen magazine. [DS]Former "Heroes" actor Thomas Dekker recently spoke out against claims he left the hit show because he didn't want to play the role of a gay character. [Queerty]Ricky Martin got all gangsta and shit during a concert last weekend at the Mohegan Sun Arena. The ex-Menudo singer dropped the f-bomb a few times and almost exposed his private parts. Scandalous! [CS]

Published: 2007-05-02 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Michael Jackson Competing For Attention During Anna Nicole/Britney's Wiffle Concurrent Dramas

(Splash) Michael Jackson and his scary visage are being sued by the family of a Santa Monica woman who died of a heart attack after doctors at the Marian Medical Center in Santa Maria, California allegedly moved her from life support to another room to make way for Michael, his plastic face, his veiled children and his entourage. Michael had come into the medical facility complaining of flu-like symptoms during his molestation trial in February 2005. San Luis Obispo attorney James McKiernan, who is representing the family, told reporters his clients expected a certain level of care at the hospital, but instead their dying mother was allegedly "hustled" aimlessly about the hospital and unhooked from a life support system to create privacy for Jackson and his entourage in the trauma room. Well, why not? Gotta make some scratch somehow. Though, I don't think he has that much money left. Didn't he sell the amusement park he was using to lure children into his bed? If he loses, maybe he can borrow some cash off that lady who kept releasing doves outside the courtroom during his not-guilty verdict. That's gotta cost something, all those pretty white doves!

Published: 2007-02-21 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Kenny Chesney Wins Award, Ain't Happy About It

That is a great face Kenny Chesney's making as he holds up his entertainer of the year award from the Academy of Country. His squinty visage is expressing his distaste for the way the award was selected this year. In the past, winners of the trophy were selected by ACM members, but this year, the voting was handed over to the fans, which Chesney thought was a big mistake. Chesney claims the selection process has become "a sweepstakes to see who can push people's buttons the hardest on the Internet." Meanwhile, I would personally be hard-pressed to care about winning an award as long as I was selling albums. But then again, I like counting money more than trophies. Meanwhile, who the hell does Criss Angel think he is? He look like he's creating his professional wrestling persona by getting dressed in Madonna's old duds from the "Me Against the Music" music video and has adorned himself in some heinous jewelry he picked up from one of those carts in the mall. Also, does he shave his arms? Sigh. Can someone please saw him in half? Photos: WENN 26 more photos from the 43rd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards featuring Carrie Underwood, Clint Black, Poppy Montgomery, Kenny Chesney, Kellie Pickler, Criss Angel, Jewel, Taylor Swift, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Dr. Phil, Karolina Kurkova, LeeAnn Rimes, Sara Evans, Maureen McCormack, David Spade, Rascal Flatts and Trace Adkins are after the jump.

Published: 2008-05-20 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Celebs Continue to Flock to Fashion Week

Rihanna looks too cute here, even though I'm not sure what that giant plaid couch throw is doing on her. Because her skin, make-up, hair and nails are all on point, I'm going to allow the crazy futon cover. I guess it is cold in NYC. The celebrities have moved their migration patterns from Sundance to NYC for Fashion Week and Joss Stone is enjoying some good hair and make-up and I'm even kind of into the art-deco-looking dress, but that granny sweater has got to go. What is up with these girls and the granny sweaters? Are they all out of sexy trench coats? Brittany Murphy looks about as deranged as I would imagine a girl who's maintained such a drastic weight-loss for so many years would look. I'm sorry, she seems sweet and all, but I have a feeling that if we ever met, I'd get trapped into a conversation about how rainbows changed her life and I'd end up trying to kill either her or myself in order to escape. Fergie looks kind of hot (I can't believe I just said that) with her aviator sunglasses hiding the most damaged parts of her visage. Jamie King confused me for a second in thumbnail size, making me think she was Lindsay for a moment. I apologize, Jamie. Also, the Tyra Banks doll looks very life-like and just as terrifying as the real thing. Photos: BauerGriffinOnline.com 18 more photos of the celebrities attending Fashion Week (Rihanna, Joss Stone, Russell Simmons, Brittany Murphy, Betsy Johnson, Tinsley Mortimer, Jamie King, Fergie, Joan Jett, Natasha Henstridge, Tyra Banks and Sophia Bush) are after the jump.

Published: 2008-02-05 Provider: A Socialite's Life

"I Still Look Worlds Better Than You, Hag Bitch."

You know that's what Cindy's feelin'. Shut your yap, Teri Hatcher. No one's buying! You know wherever she walks, rats die because of all the poison in her mug. Here's a bunch of fame victims gathered together for the 4th annual Hollywood Style awards at the Pacific Design Center in Los Angeles. These awards celebrate the people behind the scenes who "shape the look of Hollywood". If they were responsible for Ms. Hatcher's frightening visage, they should be on trial for war crimes. Jaime Pressley looks like a mug shot off "The Smoking Gun" but with more Mac. She got pinched for loitering and she's nervous because her best girlfriend Tonya outran the cops and is currently f*cking Jamie's boyfriend behind the Rollerdome. Jamie's gonna have to cut her when she gets bailed out. Pete Wentz is so womanly he's almost a tampon. And why do I have the cheese in me to want to snuggle with Brett Ratner? You know he's one of those odious coked up Hollywood bottom feeder types, but still - bears do it for me. Mondays obviously suck because this is the meanest post I've written in a long time. Wow. I'd go back and delete but Monday is Jealous Venom Day! (Getty Images) More photos of the celebrities (Cindy Crawford, Randy Gerber, Teri Hatcher, Jamie Pressly, Vanessa Minnillio, Pete Wentz, Kimberly Kardashian, Emmy Rossum, Brent Ratner, Maria Menounos, David Duchovney, Ricardo Chavira, Becki Newton, Michael Urie) from the 4th Annual Hollywood Style Awards are after the jump.

Published: 2007-10-08 Provider: A Socialite's Life

Michael Jackson's Got Balls

MJ and his eerie visage are in Japan, charging deluded and screaming Japanese teenage girls the equivalent of $3,400 American to get a photo taken with him . Someone still has outstanding lawyer's fees to pay off. And he doesn't even sing! Promoters announced Monday they will sell more tickets for a party in Tokyo, where for 400,000 yen (3,400 dollars) fans can shake hands and take a snapshot with the erstwhile "King of Pop. The initial 300 tickets sold out for Thursday's event, which was originally meant to be a Christmas party but was abruptly delayed in December. "I love Japanese fans," Jackson, clad in a black leather jacket, told a camera crew before his bodyguards escorted him out of Narita airport. Jackson is scheduled to deliver a speech at the party inside a Tokyo club. But he will not sing and will sit separately from fans, the promoters said. Probably in a treehouse to attract any pre-pubescent boys that might be hanging around. I'm sure he'll have a full bar stocked with Jesus Juice in soda cans. *shiver* Of course you love Japanese fans, they don't realize you're one step away from that guy who molested me in fourth grade. Just with more interesting plastic surgery, and access to cooler toys. God, I'm so lame for putting out for a couple of G.I. Joe figures and the Dagobah playset from Star Wars. (Image source)

Published: 2007-03-05 Provider: A Socialite's Life